October = Domestic Violence Awareness
“Maybe, by not having said he was sorry, that he loved me, he wanted me to come back to the flat, he had just saved my life.”
~ excerpt from Success Is The Best Revenge
WARNING:
This article may provide triggers
If you are with an abuser and worried he/she may see you reading this, quickly hit the Exit link, and be sure to clear your browsing cache.
EXIT
I never in a million years dreamed it would ever happen to me. Despite always being told I was unworthy of love and success, I had been driven to master all that I worked at and guess what? I became successful at all I worked toward. I was married to a man for twenty years, a man who loved me, supported me - until he didn’t.
I had been told I was a strong woman, able to make good decisions. Until I wasn’t.
Outside of my work responsibilities I became active in my community working for the advancement of women and girls who may not have had the same opportunities as I had. I learned about the Cycle of Domestic Violence and listened to victims/survivor stories of their experiences with a great amount of empathy and willingness to support them anyway I could.
Until I too became a victim.
My abuser was a man I had known as my business partner for five years before my marriage ended and we became more than business partners. He was kind, gentle, intelligent, successful. Until he wasn’t.
When I became aware of the Cycle of Domestic Violence I was shaken to my core realizing it described my relationship with this man perfectly.
But I still stayed. You might ask why - I had reasons. He threatened my family and friends if I left. He would hunt me down and end it all if I left.
I was a shell of my former self, afraid of being with him, afraid of leaving him. I had lost myself in his abuse, and finding just a glimpse of that strong woman I had been, well, I thought I had lost her forever.
Until she showed herself in a small, very small way. I clung to her and finally found the courage to leave. I left my lifelong home that was my paradise for places unknown by my family and friends. It had been better that way - mostly to protect them when my abuser would call them and demand to know where I was. Changed my phone number, received mail at an undisclosed post office box arranged by my local domestic violence agency.
I am free, but not free. The nightmares of his violence towards me, his stalking, his threats still haunt me. I become very uncomfortable if I have to sit with my back to the door, and have a strong security system to ease my mind when I am alone in my home.
There is more to the story, of course, but there is also HOPE. Domestic Violence is PREVENTABLE.
How can it be preventable you ask?
Become knowledgeable about the facts of DV
Know the signs of someone who is abused and what you can do to help
Learn the signs of an abuser
Learn about the resources within your community
And know what has happened is not the victim’s fault.
Resources
Domestic Violence Hotline - call or Text 1-800-799-7223
